Lately I haven't been blogging much and what little I posted has been lyrics of songs. Some of you have lodged an official complaint-- in person, nonetheless. Anyway, sorry for that. Haven't felt like blogging for quite sometime now. The reason? My life is in a mess right now. I have been doing a bit of growing up lately. Probably no one would notice it but I do.

Emotions have been running high and I have learned that writing at this time can be a disaster. Why, you might ask. Well, I get very raw and vulnerable when I'm writing in this state and most writing that I do at times like these are very revealing. Not to mention extremely sentimental and cheesy. Yeah, that's actually the kind of person I am: sentimental and cheesy although I portray this strong independent persona most of the time. Since this is kind of public, I prefer to either write it when I'm calmer and thus hopefully more objective, or not write about it at all.

Another reason why I haven't been writing is because my little laptop is at the shop. It gave up the ghost and refused to do what I wanted it to do. Since most of my writing takes place in bed in the middle of the night, that means that I couldn't be cozy and comfy and write my heart out. So, no posting...

Anyway, I have been feeling overwhelmed with work and that my life is in a total mess. I keep saying to myself, "This too shall pass... " it doesn't feel as if it's going to pass. It feels like drowning and I just don't want to be here anymore. Well, that's not true. I do want to be here but I seem to have lost the drive. I am not motivated to do anything while work keep piling up on my desk.

Sometimes I feel like screaming when everything is requiring my attention and all I want to do is drop everything like hot potatoes and run to the hills. Everyone wants me to be perfect. Everyone needs my attention, not now but yesterday- like there's no tomorrow and the world is coming to an end if I don't give them what they want. I feel like there aren't enough hours in a day. All I want is for them to get off my back and just leave me alone. I cannot be strong anymore, yet I'm so afraid to let go. It's like if I do, everything will fall apart.

I'm probably overstating it and they all probably don't need me as much as I think but it feels like I'm carrying a mountain at times.

Sometimes I wonder if my life can play out differently. The thing is that I'm not generally unhappy. Most of the time, I'm content with my life. I love my small and probably insignificant life. I'm happy contributing to my environment in my own way- one small step at a time. I teach my students, hopefully they learn something more than the curriculum the powers that be set for them. I hope whatever they learn from me makes them better human beings in the long run. You just never know how they'll turn out until they come back to you and tell or show you what they have become. You just have to do the best you can and hope for the best. I guess you can say that about everything in this world. What more can you do but do your utmost best and hope for the best.

Just hope that your best is good enough.