ASTHMA, ASTHMA, WHYFORE ART THOU HERE?

Today I’m had an asthma attack. I went to class and two hours of icebreaking totally brought me down. I felt the wheezing coming last night and I couldn’t sleep until 4 a.m. I was on the nebulizer and I’ve to go in again in a few hours before I leave for KL this evening. My doctor said that my lungs sound like an accordion, really funny doc….

This weekend is a working weekend for me as I have to man the promotion booth at an education exhibition at KLCC. I haven’t really been going to work this week. I was on medical leave on Monday and Thursday, tried to go to work on Tuesday but just managed to be there for two hours before excusing myself. I went to work on Wednesday but was mostly out of it.
I hate these attacks. I had them as a child but I don’t remember—that was what my parents told me. It recurred early this year. It totally sucks. My attacks are usually precipitated by any respiratory infection so the flu I had this past week really helped it along.

It’s my own fault, really. I haven’t had an attack since April I think so I got a bit careless. I felt the sore throat coming and I didn’t do anything about it. Usually if I take care of myself during that time, I’ll be fine and it won’t even get to the full-blown cold or flu.

Every time I get an attack it takes forever for things to get to normal—at least a fortnight before I’m ok again. So I just have to go with the flow then. I hate the medication… Ventolin makes me shake like a junkie in need of a fix. I hate it.

So Joy, let it be a lesson to you…. Take better care of yourself coz no one will do it for you….

The one below was written last night when I couldn’t sleep…

WORDS AND LYRICS

One of the ways I improved my English when I was younger was by listening to songs and lyrics. That stays with me through the years as I find gems in songs. Things that resonate in my mind, touch a nerve or are just plain nice. A friend once told me that I have a good grasp of the idioms of the English language and now that I think of it, one of the reasons (if I do have it, that is) is that the creative language found in lyrics gives me a feel for the language usage. So you’ll find a lot of lyrics, good poems (mostly written by other people) and bad poem (mostly written by yours truly). Mostly, this blog can also be called “WORD VOMIT” as I am totally incapable of keeping things short and sweet. To quote one of my favorite authors, David Eddings, “It takes me ten pages just to clear my throat.” I feel that quote describes me quite well. If you are one of the unfortunate people who get my emails, you can attest to this, right? And those who don’t get anything from me can attest to the opposite, that they don’t get anything at all from me. It’s all or nothing. If I don’t write, I don’t write at all. If I do, watch out! Put your spam guard on! If I don’t write, it doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. I love you to bits. It’s just that I don’t want to impose that unnecessarily on people:) it’s for your own good. Trust me. You are one of the fortunate ones.

Kepips (my sister) used to say to me, “Don’t you ever get tired of talking?” With people I’m close to, the answer is “NO”… sorry. Once she said to me, “Ok, why don’t we see if you can NOT TALK for one minute.” What do you think? Yep, you guessed it, I simply can’t. I tried… but I failed… I bowed my head in defeat. I think I made it to the 40 second mark.

I love it when the effect of words is achieved simply but profoundly. You don’t have to sound like you swallowed the Oxford English Dictionary to be effective. Words are most effective, to me, when you use simple words to say great, complex things. It gives me chills… The most powerful example is the “I Have A Dream” speech by Martin Luther King. He was addressing an audience that comprised of people from all walks of life: manual laborers, illiterates, white collared workers, all the way to the politicians and the bigwigs at the White House. His words were simple and accessible but his use of them in conveying the profound message was masterful.

I’m just easily moved by words. To me words have power—power to hurt, power to heal, power to soothe. I appreciate nuances and the different shades of meaning in different words. I’m easily offended by wrong things being said… that’s usually my first reaction but you can’t operate in this world being that sensitive so I’d just tell myself that they don’t mean it that way. Which is why it is the closest people can hurt us the most as we know whether they know what they are saying or not, whether they mean what they say- the way we perceive what they say. Hmm… that’s a lot of say’s in one sentence, there.

As I re-read my entries, I find grammatical errors but as for now, I just couldn’t be bothered to correct them. I’ll get around to doing that one of these days. So don’t bother me about them.
A writer friend once told me, “You write with your heart and edit with your head. In between, let it rest and come to it again with fresh eyes.” So I’m freshening up my eyes:). Vino would hate that. Me making up my own word and expression… just one of my little quirks, Vino darling. I love Vino… just wanna say that. Feel like saying it (now do you forgive me?) ;)

This song is one of my favorite songs. The words used in this song are simple but the larger meaning is just awesome. This is what I would hum unconsciously time and again. It’s by Joni Mitchell entitled “A Case of You”. I just love it….

Just before our love got lost you said,
"I am as constant as a northern star."
And I said, "Constantly in the darkness
Where's that at?
If you want me I'll be in the bar."

On the back of a cartoon coaster
In the blue TV screen light
I drew a map of Canada
Oh Canada

With your face sketched on it twice
Oh, you're in my blood like holy wine
You taste so bitter and so sweet
Oh I could drink a case of you, darling
And I would still be on my feet
Oh I would still be on my feet

Oh I am a lonely painter
I live in a box of paints
I'm frightened by the devil
And I'm drawn to those ones that ain't afraid
I remember that time you told me, you said,
"Love is touching souls"
Surely you touched mine
'Cause part of you pours out of me
In these lines from time to time
Oh, you're in my blood like holy wine
You taste so bitter and so sweet
Oh I could drink a case of you, darling
Still, I'd be on my feet
I would still be on my feet

I met a woman
She had a mouth like yours
She knew your life
She knew your devils and your deeds
And she said,
"Go to him, stay with him if you can
But be prepared to bleed"
Oh but you are in my blood
You're my holy wine
You're so bitter, bitter and so sweet
Oh, I could drink a case of you, darling
Still I'd be on my feet
I would still be on my feet